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| LIOVE | |
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On December 22, 1998, my husband Jim was diagnosed with lung cancer - a tumor the size of his fist in the lower part of his right lung. We later learned that it was Small Cell and if it had spread, he'd have maybe two months to live. The next day, Jim turned 64 years old, but I could not wish him a Happy Birthday. The very idea was ludicrous. We were devastated and frightened beyond words! Waiting for the results of the tests to determine if the cancer had spread was the most agonizing time of our lives. When the results of the bone and brain scans came back negative, a major shift in our perceptions, relationship, beliefs, connection to our Higher Power and our spirituality took place. We'd always believed in a Supreme Being and through the experience of AA and Alanon, we came to believe in that concept on a new and expanded level with the miracle of sobriety. Little did we know that this past experience and so many others in our lives were stepping stones to the resources and strength we needed to cope with the biggest challenge we've ever faced. The past 16 months have been full of peaks and valleys - an emotional roller coaster that oftentimes left us hanging by a thread. At the onset of hearing the word "cancer", we cried and held each other frequently. We have continued to cry and hold each other in fear and joy. We have shared our inner most thoughts and fears, consoled each other as much as we've been able and supported and encouraged each other. We have received an abundance of love, support, prayers, cards, letters and phone calls from family and friends. A prayer chain was started that involved people we didn't even know! In our prayers, we asked for guidance and direction. As a result, we were led to all the right doctors, nurses, treatments, books, tapes and the local Cancer Survivors and Caregivers Support groups where we had the opportunity to express our feelings in a safe and confidential manner. To make it through our ordeal, we needed a way to connect with each other on a physical level that expressed love, caring and deep intimacy. We chose giving each other a full body massage once a week. Making this a priority in our lives has given us the time to share our love. We also spend time each morning with inspirational readings to each other and communion with God. It is crucial that we be thankful for all our daily blessings. Each day is new opportunity for us to choose LIFE. One of our favorite authors is Dr. Bernie Siegel. His books and tapes have been such a blessing, especially on the days that fear threatens to overwhelm us. When these times appear, we are able to say "Stop" and sit quietly, focusing on our Source and the partnership we have with our Creator. We do all the we can and turn the rest over to that Greater Power, trusting that joy, health, happiness and love will continue be a part of our lives. It is up to us to open our eyes and hearts to experience all that life has to offer. And we don't forget to laugh! Humor relieves stress and helps us heal. Our healing takes many forms - physical, emotional and spiritual. We attempt to live totally each day, and express words of hope, love and gratitude for all our blessings. In March, 2000, Jim had his second 3-month check up following the last treatment in August 1999. All tests came back clear! We know that this year is crucial, but today, we have life, love and each other! Please
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